


Bartimoana: The Soundtrack

by Maiden_of_the_Moon



Category: Bartimaeus - Jonathan Stroud
Genre: Disney, Gen, Moana (2016) References, Song Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:31:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21726976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maiden_of_the_Moon/pseuds/Maiden_of_the_Moon
Summary: Tumblr demanded a Bartimaeus-themed rewrite of "You're Welcome." And I live to serve, so... you're welcome.Track 1) You're WelcomeTrack 2) I Am Nathaniel
Relationships: Bartimaeus/Nathaniel (Bartimaeus)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	1. You're Welcome

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing.

**Author's Note:** By tumblr popular request (I believe originally spearheaded by user saentiel), Bartimaeus’ version of “You’re Welcome.” I promise it is sing-able.

\---

_Bartimaeus:_ Okay, okay—  
I see what's happening here  
You've summoned up pure greatness, and it's strange  
You don't even know how you feel  
It's understandable!  
Well, it's nice to see magicians never change  
Open your eyes, let's begin  
It’s Bartimaeus, finest fourth level djinn!  
I know it's a lot: the brain, the brawn  
When you’re hardly smarter than a prawn

What can I say except you're welcome  
For the walls that I built in Prague  
Hey, it's okay, it's okay  
You're welcome  
I’m only _sometimes_ worshiped as a god

Hey!  
Who killed the Utukku at Qadesh with no help  
From the rest, without breaking a sweat?  
Good guess!  
When Solomon’s ring  
Became a thing; he needed a chat  
Well, I gave him that  
Oh, also I finished an afrit  
You're welcome!  
Two, if you count that Honorious freak  
I’m the great serpent of Yucatan  
You're welcome—  
For the Amulet of Samarkand 

So what can I say except you're welcome  
For the castles I made out of glass  
There's no need to say it, okay  
You're welcome!  
Ha, to brag about it all would just be crass! 

You're welcome!  
You're welcome!

Well, come to think of it  
Kid, honestly I can go on ‘bout  
millions of things I’ve done over millennia  
The howl that took Humbaba down?  
That was ol’ Barty just messing around  
Then in Uruk—  
Oh, dare I expound?—  
I carved the great walls out of the living ground  
Who killed Genghis Khan?  
Guided Hiawatha?  
Can outfox a marid, outsmart any master?  
Built five of the world’s greatest wonders?  
And torn armies and countries asunder?  
‘Tween golems and guile  
It would take me a while  
To impart all my brilliance should I begin at the start (start, etc) 

So, anyway let me say you're welcome  
For the magical world you know  
Hey, it's okay, it's okay  
You're welcome!  
Now did you see where you put (down) your left toe?  
Hey, it's your day to say you're welcome  
‘Cause if you don’t dismiss me quick  
I’ll swallow you whole, you know  
You're welcome!  
I knew that you’d prefer to let me go

You're welcome!  
You're welcome!

And thank you!


	2. I Am Nathaniel

**Disclaimer:** Still no.

**Author's Note:** When I saw that saentiel requested a Bartimaeus cover of “You’re Welcome," I was like, YES. But what is a Bartimaeus-themed project without a little suffering? So I re-wrote “I Am Moana” too, because I have a lot of feelings about Nathaniel reclaiming his identity at the end of PG. 

I promise that this one is sing-able, too.

\---

_Bartimaeus:_ I knew a boy in Egypt  
Famous for the work he penned  
Better looking than you, and kinder  
But just as stupid, at the end  
Look, when the world is against you  
You can’t win; you just survive  
‘Til the day you’ve reason not to  
Stay alive  
The humans I’ve known have changed me,  
Like this boy, and you, and Kitty,  
And even more than one’s essence,  
I’ve learned that love can change form  
I’m prepared to die beside you,  
But before it goes quite that far,  
Master, tell me:  
Do you know who you are?

_Nathaniel:_ Who am I?  
I am a man who served my country  
I’m the boy who once believed   
In stories  
I am the product of corrupted times  
Raised on tragedy and traumatized   
Till my ideals could not be recognized   
But I’ve realized  
There’s a chance for me to yet atone   
To repay the trust shown  
And become the one I longed to be   
So I tell thee:  
With these words, by this spell, we are through: I release you   
You’re far too frail; always bailing and failing  
I will carry this love in my heart, it redeemed me   
But you can’t stay  
So go away—  
I am Nathaniel!   



End file.
